The tree is up! I am not sure why, since it's only two weeks before Christmas and no one will be here. Actually, I do know why. My husband and I have been building this house for the last three years, (I say three, he says two, I'm right ) and I wanted to see where it would go. I was never quite sure during the building project.



I do love Christmas, it's the decorating I stumble on, not the putting up, it's the taking down. The last house we built was put on Christmas tour that year and I decorated more than I ever had. Ever single room in the house! It looked fantastic. That year was an amazing year. I went on a walk to Emmaus in October, my youngest daughter went on a Chrysalis the weekend of Thanksgiving, the house was on Christmas tour the first weekend of December and my oldest daughter's wedding was two weeks later. Needless to say, I was tired. My husband wanted all the decorations down as soon as Christmas was over. I beg him, "please, lets leave it up until Valentines Day, it's all red"! We ended up in a big fight and I started putting the decorations up one night starting at midnight. I never really wanted to go all out like that again.



That's the end of that thought, not sure why I talked about it. Maybe it's another rabbit. I have worked several walks since that pilgrimage in 2001 and I had the privilege of working as a lay director this November on the "best walk ever" :) What an amazing experience. I noticed during those years that when I gave a talk, I felt the desire to step away from my notes and the podium, but was afraid I would make a mess of things. I wanted to be more free and able to say what was on my heart and I admired the way some women made it look so easy. It is not that easy to be free when you are in front of people. As I grew in confidence and healing I was able to trust my instincts to tell a quick story and then get back to my notes. I think that is what this desire to write is all about. I want to chase all the rabbits that I wouldn't let myself go after.

However, I am finding it very hard to find the trail back to where I was. I could talk about the building of this house or the walk. I wonder if I could tie the two together?

The building of this house was an amazing experience. I ended up "boss lady" they said. My husband and I live on a ranch in a rural part of Texas and it is hard to get crews this far out from a major city. So we built with a man and his son from a town of population 6. They had two men that worked with them, until one got fired and the youngest son helped when he was out of school, high school that is. He is a Senior this year. But a very talented family to say the least. I asked Rickey, "why is it taking so long to build this house"? He said "because Donny measures everything 62 times". But our walls are straight and everything is level. And did I mention well built. On my!!! Over built maybe. I sold real estate in my other life and I learned that there are things a man looks for in a house and things a women sees. A man for instance would tell me about the size of 2 X 4's in the walls, that they were 2 X 6's instead of 2 X 4's so therefore, his house was built better than any other, the better house and the better buy. The women just wanted me to tell her it was a nice house, beautifully decorated and would make someone else a wonderful home. I feel her pain. As I bring friends through this house I secretly wait to hear her say how wonderful it is. Not that they don't say it, I'm just waiting for something I can't quite put my finger on.

And I guess that is what I am waiting to hear about the walk. I was the lay director, so I was making the decisions, directing it, putting my heart into it. And don't get me wrong I have been told that it was great. And I know it was. Anything God is in is always going to be amazing. I am just wanting to know more, somehow. Like all the little things that went into the tapestry of it. What was the common thread? Was it forgiveness, freedom, peace? I wish that I had been more a part of the ministry and counseling. I had that experience a couple of times in the past and I have wanted to do more ever since. However, my spirit is quickening and the thought in my mind is, "remember your promise to me"? Yes Lord, I do. My son's deployment date started out in August this year, then was moved to November and ended up being in October. But during the time when I didn't know when he would leave I had to come to grips with the fact that this walk was not mine and it would go on without me. So my job was to do my job for the Lord and no one else. And if he walked me right up to it and then took moved me away from it. I was to give it up with no regrets. Freely, sweetly, earnestly, joyfully.

So I guess, in retrospect, I know everything I need to know about what the Lord accomplished on that walk and in the building of this house. They were both built with purpose, joy and peace, and that is everything I wanted. The Spirit of the Lord is here and I am right at home. My honey is sitting beside me, channel surfing, promising me he will take me out in the pasture tomorrow to show me a a heifer that is amazing. The family is all good, the walk was so good and I am blessed indeed. I praise the Lord for what he has let me be a part of.

Jeremy is doing well, I get to talk to him every morning via instant messaging. I talk to him more now than I ever did. And that story line is a great big rabbit I'll chase at another time.

On a quick side note, my 5 year old grandson, Tyler came over tonight to show me what he got for me for Christmas. The Smith men can never keep a secret when it comes to Christmas shopping. As soon as they buy it, they come right home to show you. It's really funny, anyway Tyler bought me a "glamour girl" makeover kit. It must be the largest size they had on the shelf (in the toy isle). I have 4 body glitters, 16 lip glosses, 6 lipsticks, 6 nail polishes, 2 body crayons, 16 eye shadows, 4 shimmer powders, 4 glitter powders, 10 hair bands and 3 applicators.

Sweet, it's going to be a good Christmas.

Merry Christmas everyone. I pray you have a joy filled Christmas and a peace filled New Year. Thank you Lord Jesus.

Put Your Feet To It

OK, I don't really know how to navigate my way through this yet, but I found a fellow fan of my favorite author, which was cool because we put the exact same wording for our fave author and I noticed that we have the same favorite book. This could be fun. Right now, I realize that I am talking to myself but I usually have good conversations with me so, this could work! ha, ha.

Got to go get busy baking cookies for my hero son in Iraq. It so cool to be able to talk to him every morning, I can keep my mommy feelers out on his emotional condition. So far so good, he is still funny and very cute. I will try to get some pics up of him.

My desire is to be transparent and honest here about my life, hard to do though. But I bet I can get over that!

I am so thankful for the children God gave me. When they were little I use to think, "I can't wait to get my life back", selfish for sure. Then one day I looked up and realized, they were my life and it was better than anything I could do on my own. It's hard to be a mom of little ones, but the "on your feet" investment that you are making in your child's life now will honor you with a deep, loving relationship like no other. One of my friends wrote on her blog, she has never know a love like this. And that's exactly what we all feel as mom's, don't we. When my first child born, I was struck by the purity of her, the fullness of innocence. It was like I got to look on the face of God. The bible says we see through the glass darkly, that's what I think of here. I was seeing through a fractured glass getting a distorted view of what God might look like. And if that is a fractured view what must He be like when we do see Him. Wow, that's a whole 'nother subject, chasing a rabbit here.

The "on your feet" part is vital. I found that the older my babies got the more I needed to be actively on my feet with them. It's not over when they are in their teens. No time to set down, then. It changes from physical "on your feet" to the "all the above" approach. The good thing is that your children train you as they grow. We start out as mothers of infants, then toddlers, then we go back to school with them. By the time they are teens we are ready for the challenges that brings with it.

My best advice is be in the middle of everything they are doing. Sports? Be at their games, School? My kid's would find me standing in the hall when they were changing classes. That was fun. Teachers? Be on their side, the world is not fair and it is the perfect opportunity to teach that to your child. They have to deal with it. Plus, the teachers are telling you the truth about what your kids are doing in their classrooms. Support your teachers and they will trust you and give your kids a break when they need it. "Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child." Back packs, free game. If they left it, I had the right to look through and read their notes. It was no democracy in my house. It was a dictatorship and I was the dictator. Sorry, if that is offensive, but I knew that there were life and death decisions being made during this time of their lives, so I stood on the front lines and they were not going down with me left standing.

Our children don't need us as friends, they have those, they need strong, loving parents that have "been there, know that, and your not going" attitudes willing to put our feet to it when we have to. I told my kids, "if I'm in your face, your messing up"! That wasn't always the way I worded it, but it got my point across. It is hard on us as parents to gear up to the energy of youth but they need us to.

And pray, pray, pray. I know from my own troubled teen years and early twenties that the choices made will close doors of opportunity to your future. You have no idea at 15 yrs of age what you will care about in just 5 short years. While we may not be able to visualize 20 years or even 10 years at 15, five years you can see.

So, if you are a young mother and just happen to stumble on this post remember they are worth every bit of it. Don't worry about the future, do the work put before you today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

Hang on, its a fun ride and it doesn't end when they graduate and get on their own, it just changes. Plus we're older by then and don't have the energy and desire to put forth that kind of "on your feet" to it. Amen.

Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right. Proverbs 20:11

I guess I had a lot to say about this subject.

getting started

I'm not sure how to get started. I've noticed that I seemed to be in an explosion of comunication lately. My son, Jeremy, is on his first tour of duty in Iraq and to communicate with him I opened a myspace, so that I can im with him. Then came face book and I found a high school classmate, that was cool. Now I am taking the plunge to begin my blog. I have been wanting to do this for a couple of years but I hesitated because ...of fear, what else. So here goes. Yes.