iamsecond

This brought me to my knees, it broke me.  I don't know why, not that I ever listened to this man's music but I knew what it was.  Not that I was never blameless, I'm not.  There was plenty in my past to sit in this white chair and tell you "i am second."  

There was just something about what felt like total hopelessness and to listen to how Jesus saved. this. man. and how He keeps saving me.  How i am not but that I know I AM. 

Just as this man testifies God used his child to save him, so that he could save her later on, 

God used my children to save me so that later I could be there for them.  

from one of my favorite books, outside the bible, authored by Louie Gigleo,

     "The skies declare that I AMis huge; but Calvary affirms that I AM has the best interest of every I am not in mind at all times.  Our God is in the heavens and the whole world is under His command, but now because of Christ we can personally know how much He loves us and believe that He is using everything that comes our way for His glory and for our ultimate good.  It is time for you and me to live as those who can never be the same because we have encountered both the great power and the great love if I AM.  

     And in the days to come, when you're questioning, needing, searching, wondering, asking, and struggling, you will find His sufficiency at the end of every desperate prayer.  When you cry out all the things that you are not, you'll know His answer is, "I AM."

i am not but I know I AM.  get it, read it.  

Blessings.

The Weight of the Word

Off the shelf and in my hand, "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan

The author of Crazy Love has done it again.  I drank this one up and it stepped on my toes. 

What follows is not a review on this book but one should come, if only I could sum it up.  I think it's going to take some time for that.  Another reading for sure, more study perhaps.  

Some of you who have been with me awhile know that I am involved in ministry through the Walk to Emmaus.  This week I am working on a written talk and I want to share some scripture that is speaking to  me.

Isaiah 52: 13 - 15

 See, my servant will act wisely

 he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted.  

Just as there were many who were appalled at him - 

his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man 

and his form marred beyond human likeness - 

so will he sprinkle many nations, 

and kings will shut their mouths because of him.  

For what they were not told, they will see, 

and what they have not heard, they will understand.

Isaiah 53: 5 - 6

But he was pierced for our transgressions, 

 he was crushed for our iniquities;

 the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

 and by his wounds we are healed.

We all like sheep have gone astray, 

each of us has turned to his own way; 

and the LORD has laid on him 

the iniquity of us all.

I marvel at this scripture because of what Christ went through to take the punishment of my sin upon himself.  

In this modern time we are so use to seeing  violence, that it has become almost easy to watch, painless to see.  I feel that we have become desensitized to the weightier matters of life.  And another thing, I have been putting a lot of thought into the words we use to describe things.  I feel that we over use words that should be saved for rare more meaningful times when the weight of their meaning is more appropriate.

"the punishment that was on him ..."  there is a word that describes this "punishment" that Christ went through.  I read in the interview between Lee Strobel and Dr. Alexander Metherall that describes what a Roman flogging was like, what lays behind the word "crucify."  See I didn't really know.  It said the pain associated with crucifixions was so bad that there was no word to describe it, so a new word was invented 

excruciating 

adjective - extremely painful; causing intense suffering; unbearably distressing; torturing exceedingly elaborate or intense   

Synonyms: unbearable, insufferable, unendurable, agonizing, racking.  

Origin: to torment, torture, crucify (derivative; of the cross)

I can say I have never experienced excruciating pain for someone else's guilt. 

Heavy Heart and Crazy Love

Girls, I've got one.  A heavy one.  It was harder to send him back than it was to let go the first time.  I started noticing this feeling a few days ago.  It even shows up in my lack of photography.  I took pictures until I just stopped.  I didn't pick up the camera and take the shot of his boots by my "God Bess America" picture,  I didn't take my camera with me to the airport this morning.  No parting shots, no dressed in his uniform shots . . . I just stopped. 

It was just something about the space he filled up.  Now it feels empty, like a vacuum, somehow.  It's one of those feelings like, when you know you can't let go because you might not stop . . .  crying.  And he's fine, you know, I know he's fine.  Right now he is in an airplane sleeping, probably, flying back to Germany or Ireland where they stop to re-fuel, then on to Kuwait where they stop for a few days then back into Iraq.  He says their work is slowing down and things are good.  But it was just harder this time.

 

He's found a girl he's crazy about, now they have five more months before he's home again and we'll see what the future holds.  One thing I do know . . . BIG GOD!  I know that.  God's story.  Know that.  He creates; we're created.  Got it.   He's in control.  I trust Him.  His word says that all that concerns me, concerns Him.  Believe that.

I bought the book by Frances Chan "Crazy Love."  I am just a few chapters in and he's talking about death.   Not to be morbid here but it is a reality.  And none of us have the next second promised.  So are you Ready?  Am I?  When I stand before a Holy God, will the things I thought important burn in the fire and I escape with all that I cared about burning up as paper and wood or will my life show that I worshiped God in everything I do? 

 

Okay, Husband just called me down stairs and I promptly yelled at him.  I do that when I'm dealing with something that I don't know what to do with it.  That's yet another chapter in Chan's book, it's a bit arrogant to allow stress to bother us when we are commanded to not be anxious about anything but in everything with praise and thanksgiving present your request o God.  I love this verse.  Then it follows up with the promise that the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. 

 

An excerpt from Chan's book, page 42;

"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.  Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control.

Basically, these two behaviors communicate that it's okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.  Both worry and stress reek of arrogance." 

 

Ouch.

  

He is a Big God.  He knows Jeremy.  He knows his heart, he knows his situation, better than me.  Thankfully He is in control, not me.  Can I rejoice even when I'm feeling down?  I will.  

More from Chan's book;

"The wise man comes to God without saying a word and stands in awe of Him.  It may seem a hopeless endeavor, to gaze at the invisible God.  But Romans 1:20 tells us that through creation, we see His 'invisible qualities' and 'divine nature.'

Go to www.crazylovebook.com and view the "Awe Factor."

My mouth dropped open and then all the emotions I have been suppressing came forward. 

  I. Am. Speechless.  

I am. 

The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.  Day after day they port forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.  There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.  Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world.  Psalm 19:1-4 

Another of my favorite books is by Louie Giglio, 

"i am not but I know I AM."

In it he writes;

"The skies declare that I AM is huge, but Calvary affirms that I AM has the best interest of every I am not in mind at all times.  Our God is in the heavens and the whole world is under His command, but now because of Christ we can personally know how much He loves us and believe that He is using everything that comes our way for His glory and for our ultimate good.  

It is time for you and me to live as those who can never be the same because we have encountered both the great power and the great love of  I AM.  

And in the days to come, when you're questioning, needing, searching, wondering, asking, and struggling, you will find His sufficiency at the end of every desperate prayer.  When you cry out all the things that you are not, you'll know His answer is, I AM.

Lord, protect my son.

I AM.

I'm not sure why I'm here.

I AM.

I'm tired.

I AM.

I quit!

I AM.

I can't.

I AM.

I need a drink.

I AM.

I need a lover.

I AM.

Somebody just hold me.

I AM.

What does this great I AM say of Himself?  He says to you and to me:  "I am the way, I am the truth, and I am the life.  I am the resurrection and the life.  I am Savior.  I am Jesus--the solution, the restorer, the builder, the answer, the Wise One, the Coming One, the Mighty One.  I am the Lord and there is no other.  I am God and there is none besides Me.  I am the First and the Last.  I am Alpha and Omega.  I am the Beginning and the End.  I am the Lord, that is My name, and I will not give My glory to another, or any of my praise to idols.  I AM THAT I AM,  and that is My name--My memorial name to every single generation."

That include you, this generation, this time, this day, this hour, this moment.

Who am i to worry?  i am not but i know I AM.