I don't have to tell you that I was busy, every body's busy and I don't have to feel guilty for not blogging all last week, but I do and I was. Not too guilty, though, I just missed the action. I'm wishing I had older post I could re-run when I don't have the time to write, but I don't. Yet! hah, maybe someday, we'll see.
I've been listen to a song by "Eli Young Band", I love the way the authors wrote the phrasing in this song.
. . . for as much as she stumbled, she's running . . . for as much as she runs, she's still here
That was me. Back in the day. I was unsure of myself (weren't we all) and I followed the crowd. Funny thing, the crowd that I thought was "everybody" turns out, wasn't so many. Just a few. The real everybody was doing their homework, minding their parents, listening to their teachers, looking realistically at their futures and not closing doors.
Not me. I was stumbling. Childhood can be very hard a girl.
When I had my first child, I was instantly afraid of her teenage years. I asked every person I found who had raised teenagers, how they did it and did it work out for them. I was always reassured that it was going to be alright but I had my doubts. I knew a little too much to just believe that everything would turn out alright. I didn't think it just happened. I knew that kids face some mighty tall dragons. That there are some things that are never gonna be alright. Not by yourself anyway.
"Enter through the narrow gate.
Like anyone who is led astray, it was slow, at first. Just one little compromise at a time. Just one twisting of the truth I had been raised with.
For wide is the gate and broad is the road
that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.
I knew who Jesus was. I had heard about Him and I believed them. I believed the ones who told me about Jesus on Sunday mornings. I believed the one who stood behind the pulpit and told us about hell and damnation with a thundering voice, but also delivered to us the hope of salvation. I even went down front with a group of kids during a youth revival one summer to accept Jesus in my heart as Lord and Saviour. But still,
I twisted that truth.
And then, I justified that step.
And then I followed the crowd.
And then I jumped into that pit.
I ran to the lier and tried to believe what they said.
That it was nothing.
For years I lingered there. Feeling that I didn't deserve anything better.
. . . she carries memories around like souvenirs down in her pockets
Never getting over it. And not letting anyone else off the hook either.
she should have let some go by now but can't seem to drop it.
Says forgiveness ain't nothing but a lifeless tire on the shoulder of her soul that never rolls
When we damage ourselves so deeply, the pain is too much to handle by yourself, so everyone pays. Everyone who happens in . . that thinks that they can love you.
But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.
It took a long time for me to finally want better for my life and especially for my children. For me, it took having children to see the world outside of myself and to grab for what was better. I found myself remembering those years spent in church and I desired the know the One who said, "I AM the way, I AM the truth, I AM the life." John 14:6 The change came when I wanted to believe Him not them and to know Him for myself.
The singer in this song says that he was
. . .hoping to find something quicker than heaven to make the damage of her days disappear . .
The Truth says,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Matthew 11: 28 - 30
Jesus is saying that the call to rest is a call to obedience. His truth says I AM the Name above all names. Jesus is the only name under heaven and on earth by which you can be saved. He says, "come to me, I will heal your broken heart and give you rest".
Forgiveness came, after holding onto my brokenness for 25 years, when I finally I let go and believed.
Forgiving others is easier (for me) than forgiving myself. If you have unforgiveness against yourself, there is One who can honestly heal you. He is big enough.
. . . for as much as she stumbles, she running
for as much as she runs she's still here. . .
You can't run out of the reach of God. You haven't surprised him. You haven't made him love you less and you can't make him love you more. He is beyond our thoughts beyond our understanding but not beyond our need. He is more than enough. And He is alive and well today.
"It is done.
I am the Alpha and the Omega,
the Beginning and the End.
To him who is thirsty I will give to drink
from the spring of the water of life."
He is Risen, indeed.